Self-Care in Motherhood

Far too many times we believe the idea that if your kids come first that means you come last (if you’re on “the list” at all) and I would like to challenge that theory. Just because your kids come first, and I 100% believe that they should, that doesn’t mean you do not also deserve to be prioritized as well. Children do not ask to be brought into this world, they cannot care for themselves, and they deserve to be prioritized above all else. In my world, my daughter comes before work, family, friends, me, business, anything. I will quite literally drop whatever I’m doing to be present and available for my child when she needs me and that’s what I believe it means to prioritize her in my world.

And also, I am a close 2nd on the list of priorities. I take mom breaks and I ensure I am taken care of and my needs are met. I am a better mother when I want to be around my child…not doing so out of obligation. Now how do I do this as a single mother with no real help from my co-parent? The short answer is balance. I work intentionally to find the balance and the determination to find space for myself is what allows me to get there.

When I want to travel for work or fun, I ensure that she’s with someone who is excited about spending time with her. Not someone who will babysit because they feel like they have to or can “make it work”, I ensure she’s with someone who can’t wait to spend the weekend with her and has all kinds of fun planned. So while I’m getting a break, she’s feeling loved and prioritized.

When I get my hair and nails done, or getting my massage, or going to lunch with a friend, or even taking a nap I work to ensure it’s while she’s at school to the best of my ability. Because I’m fully aware that if I’m with my daughter, she will be my priority. In order to fully enjoy church, I ensure she’s in the children’s church service which she loves and has fun in. Parents who bring their kids into service, I will never understand it. The kid is bored out of their minds and you are distracted, who really wins here?

Anyways, I say all of this to say…if you just decide to prioritize yourself you will find a way. The hard part I’m realizing is releasing yourself of the guilt around taking care of yourself as a mom. Somehow we’ve adopted the idea that in order to be a “good mom” I have to sacrifice everything and dedicate my entire existence into being a mother. When in reality, happy parents make happy kids. Your kid deserves to see you be happy, enjoy your life, be surrounded by (healthy) love and friendship, and that serves as a model for them.

So even if you don’t feel deserving of caring for yourself, be sure to do it so they see what it looks like.